Heart Healthy Vegan Dark Chocolate Mini Banana Muffins...damn that's a long ass title!

I fucking love to bake.  I have indescribable urges to measure flour, stir in the wets with the drys and of course... lick the bowl.  This is all fine and dandy until the delecitable little warm treats come out of the oven and I want to devour the whole effing batch.  So I bake only when it is for others and I can quickly get rid of the goods.  This being said, I am constantly on the lookout for opportunities to get my fix for mixing the wet with the drys in.  So when my wonderful new boyfriends poor dad ended up in the hospital with heart problems I seized the opportunity and whipped up these heart healthy bad boys.  I used a basic recipe for banana bread I found online and veganized, heart healthified them and added dark chocolate:).  I was super pleased with the results, moist, sweet but not too sweet and a nice nutty texture from the walnuts.   So here is the recipe...

2 cups whole wheat pastry flour (or any flour you would like) 

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 2/3 mashed banana (preferrably the super ripe variety)

1/2 cup apple sauce

2 egg substitutes (I used ground flax, 1 tablespoon flax to two parts water and let it set and viola, fucking eggs!)

6 tablespoons olive oil

1/2 cup brown sugar

3/4 cup dark chocolate chunks

3/4 cup chopped walnuts

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Mix the flour, baking soda and salt in a large mixing bowl.

2.  In a seperate mixing bowl mix the banana, applesauce, egg substitute, olive oil and sugar.

3.  My favorite part... wait for it... mix the wet with the dry.  Don't go getting mix happy either!  You know better!  That shit makes some funky ass tough muffins.  Mix just until combined then add the nuts and dark chocolate.  

4.  Then spoon the mixture into the muffin tins carefully, the little muffin tins fill quickly.  I filled them just to the top.  Bake for about 15 minutes.

Note:  You can bake this in whatever shape you would like but just factor in that different shapes will take different amounts of time (i.e. a loaf pan might take like 50 minutish apposed to 15 minutes for mini muffins).  I don't time my baked treats because I am so at one with my baked goods that I intuitively know when they are done, no joke.  But if you are a normal person that needs to use a timer then I would say for the mini muffins about 15 minutes should do it.  If you need to check with a toothpick please do so, nobody wants raw insides, yucko!

Gluten-fucking-free Crustless Pumpkin Pie

So I took off for a month doing some crazy soul searching and guess what?  I came back the same crazy bitch.  Don't get me wrong it was life changing and I will never look at things the same way... but I am who I am and that just happens to be a crazy bitch.  Wait, I know what you are thinking, "that sucks, what was the point of taking off like that?".  It's actually an amazingly beautiful and transformational thing to be a crazy bitch and fully accept it... to love it... to radically accept yourself... crazy bitch and all.  To learn what it means to trully be in the moment both with yourself and the world around you... its easy when things are going good but the real transformation comes with sitting with the ugly and like I said earlier, radically accepting it.  So, show your inner crazy some love, maybe a little cuddle sesh with your demons or plung into the ugly and swim for a bit and see what you find, you might be suprised what a little acceptance can do.  Ok, enough Buddha talk, now on to what we're all here for, the food!

So I am finally back home and in the kitchen and does it feel fucking amazing.  My first big cooking adventure since I have been back was cooking tamales with my best vegan cooking buddy Emily.  It was epic.  I grew up making tamales... there is just something about spreading the masa in the corn husk just warms my heart:)  Anyways, I got way ahead of myself that day.  We made three kinds, two with homemade sauces.  Yeah, it was a shit load of cooking.  I could write the most beautiful heartfelt book about this glorious day but guess what?  My dumbass didnt document anything, no recipes, no pictures, no nothing... which means no blog for you beezies, sorry:(  But, I did roast a pumpkin on that very same day and had the vision of this beautiful crustless pumpkin pie.  It is actually hella better than regular pumpkin pie and guess what?  Gluten-fucking-free! Yes, so for all you wheat adversed beezies this one is for you:)

Pie Filling

1 3/4 cups or 15 oz can pumpkin

3/4 cup sugar

1/2 block firm silken tofu

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon clove
1/4 teaspoon salt

2 tablespoons cornstarch

Topping

3/4 cup oats
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup chopped nuts (I used pecans and walnuts but you don't have to be as fancy as me)
2 tablespoons gluten free flour of your choice
2 tablespoons vegan butter
1/4 teaspoon salt

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Mix all the ingredients for the filling in a blender or food processor and pour into a greased 8 inch pie pan.

2.  For the topping measure everything into a bowl and use the back of a fork to mix the butter in.  It will take a minute if the butter is good and cold.  Then pour over the pie and place in the oven for about 45 minutes.

Healthy Chocolate Pudding

This shit is easy, healthy and super yum.  I have been wanting to experiment more with silken tofu and this recipe was a total success. Silken tofu is packaged tofu that is much creamier and less flavorful than regular tofu.  The idea for this recipe came to me one night as I was ravaging through the cupboards like a dope fiend looking for something chocolaty and sweet.  I stopped and thought about it for a second and it came to me and here it is in all it's glory.  You could probably double or triple the recipe and fill a pie crust up with it.  Yes! Chocolate pie!  Sorry to get so excited, I love pie:)

Healthy Chocolate Pudding

1 package silken tofu
1 1/2 tablespoon chocolate powder
2 tablespoons maple syrup
1 tablespoon melted raw coconut oil
pinch of salt

Place all ingredients in a blender until well mixed and place in the refridgerator for a couple of hours until it sets.

Grilled Vegan Pizza

So I had a vision, yes, an effing food vision.  It consisted of grilled pizza, topped with grilled veggies and homemade pesto made with food from my garden thats slathered with creamy cashew cheese.  And guess what?  The vision became reality and it was pure heaven.  My lame uncle Chopper even liked it and he eats lean cuisine for dinner on the regs (yuck!).  The crust was on hit.  The richness from the olive oil coupled with the slight char flavor from the grill really puts this recipe over the edge. I used Jay's Signature Pizza Crust recipe from allrecipe.com which worked great.

Beware: this recipe is not for beginner chefs.  The shit was not easy and at one point we had me, my sister and my pops trying to turn the pizza around on the grill.  Though it was difficult it was a fricken blast.  I had a great time hanging with my fam and grilling pizza.  If your gonna give this recipe a go I highly recommend doing it with a group and getting creative.  I let my sister design the second one which was just as yummy as mine.  The zuchini and basil for the pesto were both from our garden too which made the recipe even more exciting.  Yes, we have a family garden because we are that adorable.  My sister, my dad and I all have different plants in a raised bed my dad built for us.

I am now obsessed with both making pizza dough from scratch which is actually super duper easy and grilling pizza.  I highly recommend trying both.  Good for me my family is also equally excited about it:)  More pizza creations to come.

Note: You can use whatever toppings you like and store bought pesto or pizza sauce and vegan cheese.

Jay's Signature Pizza Crust

Ingredients

• 2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast
• 1/2 teaspoon brown sugar
• 1 1/2 cups warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 3 1/3 cups all-purpose flour

Directions

1. In a large bowl, dissolve the yeast and brown sugar in the water, and let sit for 10 minutes.
2. Stir the salt and oil into the yeast solution. Mix in 2 1/2 cups of the flour.
3. Turn dough out onto a clean, well floured surface, and knead in more flour until the dough is no longer sticky. Place the dough into a well oiled bowl, and cover with a cloth. Let the dough rise until double; this should take about 1 hour. Punch down the dough, and form a tight ball. Allow the dough to relax for a minute before rolling out. Use for your favorite pizza recipe.

Grilled Vegetables

1 Eggplant cut into circular pieces 1/8 inch thick (to release the moisture from eggplant 30 minutes before cooking very genrously cover with salt and let sit, once 30 minutes is up rinse off eggplant)
1 bell pepper
2 zucchinis sliced 1/8 inch thick length wise
olive oil
salt and pepper

Start up grill making one side a hotter than the other for pizza making. Drizzle vegetables with olive oil and generously salt and pepper them.  Place on grill as they fit and watch closely as they begin to cook. Vegetables cooking to fast move to the cooler side and visa versa.  Grill until desired tenderness.


Pesto

2 cups loosely packed basil
1/3 cup of walnut halves
2 garlic cloves
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
1/3 cup olive oil
salt and pepper

Place all ingredients in your blender or food processor and blend until a nice sauce forms.

Cashew Cheese

1 cup raw cashews
3/4 cup water
3 tablespoons nutritional yeast

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon lemon juice or vinegar
salt and pepper to taste

Place all ingredients into a blender and blend until a smooth cream is formed.  If your ghetto ass only has a junky blender than you will have to blend it longer (I have a vitamix and don't have to worry about that, neener neener neener).

Grilling and assembling the pizza:

Before you begin I advise getting a couple of metal spatulas and maybe some tongs, this will help with flipping the pizza.  Also have all your ingredients laid out  next to the grill so there easy to get to.

So when are your ingredients have been prepared you are actually ready to grill your pizza which goes really fast.  So roll out your pizza dough to desired shape and size.  I would recommend making them on the smaller side for easier maneauvering around the grill.  Place pizza dough you are not using aside and cover until you are ready to use it.  Brush grill with olive oil and gently and quickly lay the pizza dough on the hot side of the grill.  Watch it closely to make sure it is cooking evenly and if it is not than turn it so the uncooked parts are on the hotter spots.  Once it is evenly lightly toasted on the bottom and begins to bubble on the top it is ready to flip (2-3 minutes).  Flip it to the less hot side of the grill and quickly load your topping on the pizza for it will cook fast.   Pesto, veggies then cashew cream.  Turn in the same manner that you did for the other half to make sure it is cooked evenly and pull off the grill when lightly browned.  Cut up and serve:)  Repeat with remaining pizza dough.

Me hecka worried about my pizza

Me hecka happy my pizza came out ok

Me hecka happy to serve and devour my pizza

Me just being hecka cute

Vegan French Toast

So... vegan french toast is not exactly the same as french toast but it is super bomb. I promise.  The trick I have found is to let it cook slowly.  I know it is painfully difficult to watch the bread just sit there on the griddle with the syrup and earth balance calling your name from the sidelines but the extra 5 minutes is worth it.  I love all breakfast food but french toast is so just so fucking easy.  This is a total beginner vegan recipe.  And if dipping your bread in almond milk and banana seems weird to you why don't you take a second and think about dipping it in chicken fetus and milk from a fucking cow...  I know, gross.

I highly suggest eating this recipe with fresh fruit, berries if possible. Hellsa good:)

Vegan French Toast

8 slices of bread (preferably french, preferably wheat and preferably stale)
1 cup vegan milk (I used soy because thats what I had open in the fridge)
1 small banana
2 tablespoons flour
1 tablespoon agave
oil (I like to use coconut)
toppings: vegan butter, jam, maple syrup, strawberries, raspberries, bananas, blueberries, almonds, or whatever you can think of.

Blend milk, banana, flour and agave in blender until well mixed and place in a large bowl.  Heat a large pan or griddle to medium low.  Place a teaspoon or so of oil on the pan so the bread does not stick.  Dip each piece of bread in the batter and place in the pan.  Cook each side of the bread for 5-7 minutes or until golden brown and serve:)

Loquat Pie!

So we have this ginormous loquat tree in front of my house.  Loquat?  "What the fuck is that" you ask... Well... it's like an apricot but smaller and with a thicker skin and not as sweet.  Yeah, I know what you're thinking, "that sounds kinda nasty".  Well, really they are not that great on there own but if you cover them in sugar and wrap them in pastry dough, fucking excellent.  Which is why I made this beautiful pie:)

 This is not a beginner recipe like most of my recipes.  It took three effin hours to make bitches.  The shit took FOR-EV-ER.  Good thing I love everything about pie, I love the way it looks, the way it tastes, I love rolling out the dough and designing the crust and especially the way it smells in the oven, brings a smile to my face just thinking about it:)  Most of the time is spent pitting the loquats, those little bitches are a pain to pit but if you get in the zone it can be spiritual (yup, the "zone" is a spiritual place).  So if you have a ginormous loquat tree like me don't let those little bitches go to waste, make pie!

I know I keep saying I am going to blog more but I mean it this time.  My goal is to try to replace blogging with boys.  For those of you who haven't noticed I have a boy problem and it fucking sucks.  A beautiful girl can only take so many failed attempts before throwing her hands up and saying "Alrighty universe, I guess you get your way again!".  Yes, me and the universe talk and the universe is telling me to focus on myself, do what you love and love will find you.  And blogging my food is a joy I truly love:)  So lucky you, more delicious vegan recipes for free... and I will do my best slowing down and focusing on numero uno.  Thanks for listening and more importantly thanks for following my blog, it means a lot to me.

Here is the pie finally...

Loquat Pie Filling

6 cups of pitted loquats (I cut them in half them lightly squeeze out the pit)
1 cup of water
1 1/2 cups raw sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
2 tablespoons flour
1/2 teaspoon salt

1. Place loquats and water in a medium saucepan and simmer for 15 minutes until fruit begins to soften.  Then add the rest of the ingredients, mix well and cook until sauce thickens.  While loquats are cooking begin making the crust.
Mix


The Crust

2 cups of flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup of vegan butter
1/3 cup of shortening
6-8 tablespoons of ice water

1.  Preheat oven to 375 degrees.  flour and salt in a bowl.  Then add the butter and shortening and cut into the flour with a pastry blender or fork until the mixture resembles small pea size pieces of flour and fat.  Add the water until the mixture comes together and knead a couple of times just to get everything to stick together.  Once it sticks together nicely, split it into two and roll them into two circles big enough for your pie pan.  I used a 10 inch pie crust.

2.  When crusts are done being rolled out place one in the bottom of the pie pan and cut the excess dough around the edges.  I use my kitchen sheers for this.  Then add the filling and cover with the top layer.  I made a lattice top and you can do that too if your fancy like me. Otherwise just top with the other crust, cut the extra around the edges and press the dough together.  Crimp the edges to your liking and place in the oven for 45-55 minutes until edges are golden brown.

Bonus Recipe!!!

Wondering what to do with that extra dough?  Make these tasty little appetizers...

Hot Dog Appetizer Thingies

Extra pie dough
veggie hot dog or sausage

Preheat oven to 475 degrees.  Roll dough out into a circle and cut it like a pizza to form pyramid like shapes. Roll the hot dogs up starting at the larger end of the pyramid up to the pointier end... if that makes sense.  Place on a baking sheet and bake for 10-15 minutes until golden brown.  Serve with mustard or whatever the fuck you want.  Enjoy!!!

Raw Berry Tart

So with all these awesome fruits being in season I am hoping to be making some more fruit centric recipes.  The farmers markets have been on hit lately.  If your not out shopping at them for your fresh produce you should be!  I also just love pies and tarts....yum!  And even better this shit is totally fucking healthy.  No flour, no sugar, just dates, nuts and fruit!  It was eaten within a 24 hour period.  Not just by myself, luckily my occupy buddies came over after a planning meeting and helped me consume it.  It took me less than 20 minutes to prepare with clean-up, I know, hellsa quick.

Big shout out to my big sis for helping with the decorating.  The heart was my idea but she helped with the rest:)  Love you and hate you sis!!!

Here's the recipe...

Raw Berry Tart

Crust

1 1/2 cups walnuts
1/2 cup almonds
8 dates pitted
1/4 teaspoon salt

1.  Place all ingredients in a a food processor and mix until it holds together nicely.  Be careful not to over mix or the oils in the nuts will release and make it mushy.

2.  Grease a ten inch tart pan and press the crust mixture into the pan evenly.

Cashew Cream Filling

1 1/4 cups cashews
juice and rind of one lemon
1 vanilla bean, seeds only
pinch of salt
water

1. Place cashews, lemon, vanilla bean and salt in a blender.  Pour the water over the nuts just to the top.  Blend until creamy.  If too think add more water.

Assembly

1.  Spread the cashew cream in the tart shell evenly.  Add the fruit on top to your liking.  To get the same presentation I did hull the strawberries and place them around the egde of the tart.  Then make a heart shape with raspberries and fill carefully with blueberries.  Refrigerate for a couple of hours.

2.  To serve gently move the tart out of the pan and place on a flat surface to cut.  ENJOY!!!